I hope you enjoy reading my insights into this Full Moon. Due to technical challenges you might not see the images attached to the original article which can be viewed in full on my website, where you can also sign up to receive them as part of my regular newsletter direct to your inbox, along with lots of other interesting bits!
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Full Moon 30th April 2018
I can’t remember why I decided to lay out the chart for this Full Moon, it’s a while since I’ve done that but here I am, sat on the floor in the middle of the chart. I carefully placed a card for each sign in a circle and then laid the planets out in order, one by one. I took my time, holding my hand on them, feeling the energy of each in turn, calling in the energy of each planet. The Sun first, then the Moon, then I placed a hand either side of me on both together, really feeling their opposition that forms the Full Moon and the contrast of their energies. I thought about the karmic interpretation of these, the Soul intention of the Taurus Sun and the past life echoes of the intense and powerful Scorpio Moon. The Hades Moon, (Judy Hall has written a whole book on this placement), is one Moon placement I’m glad I didn’t choose this time around. Deep, deep water, deep emotions, intense.
As I said the words in my head I felt them, they resonated in me, I could feel the contrast, the pull of the old Soul emotions not dealt with, layers of grief, abuse and other deep hurts that hadn’t healed and had remained mostly hidden in this lifetime, seeping to the surface only occasionally. And when they do arise, from those depths, sometimes triggered by current life situations, they can be overwhelming, all consuming and bring a feeling that if you start crying, you won’t be able to stop. And so, too often, they get pushed back down again, not released, not healed. Out of sight, out of mind, but held in the heart and sometimes the body too.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw my moon lamp glowing as it recharged, and with the fading natural light of early evening, it looked very bright just like a full moon! So I put it on the card for the Moon. Wow, nice touch, I congratulated myself!
Photo copyright Terrie Celest
Back to the chart. As I continued to lay the planets out, I was getting some useful insights; the layers were beginning to build into a picture. Once complete, I look around me at the chart. I’m sitting quietly, letting its energies fill me and merge within I’m not, I’m eating icecream! There, I’ve shattered the illusion now. But I am sat in the middle typing this now, so it must be doing something!
Actually the icecream was really scrummy, sometimes you just can’t beat a good old vanilla, although I did add some coffee essence on top, rather more than I probably should have, it almost took the taste of the vanilla away. And I like my icecream soft, partly melted, that seems to enhance the flavor to me, rather than getting frozen tongue and mouth
and an ice head! Why does it taste so satisfying like that? I have to put what I’m going to eat in a bowl and put the tub back in the freezer, otherwise, as it starts to get really soft, it’s’ almost addictive. I’ll just have a tiny bit more, ooh, that was so nice, just a tiny bit more….!!
That taste left in your mouth is so satisfying, so important! I do so like to have a lasting taste memory, the last mouthful of whatever I eat, to be really satisfying so the taste and the memory of the food stays with me. I’m like that with chips, a rare but very enjoyable treat. And I’m talking proper traditional English (British?) chips, not fries! Salt and vinegar?, they always ask. Yes, lots and lots, double what you’d normally put, is my answer. Well, half of it stays on the paper and it doesn’t always filter down to the ones in underneath, and each mouthful has to have some salt with the chips. If you get one that hasn’t, or is a bit too dry, so doesn’t taste so nice, even if I feel full, it can’t be the last one I eat, I have to have another, so that I can finish on a good mouthful.
Traditional chips, proper chips!
So, back to this chart...hmm. Yes, I know there is something deep and meaningful in here, in fact I know the theory really well, and could describe the astrology easily, what it all means and how it might manifest, I’ve just not got a good example to quote to you, not a personal story that illustrates it, like I have been doing recently. I don’t want to give you all theory, that’s boring! And my ethos is always to try to show you how you are likely to experience the energies in everyday,
human life, that’s what we are living after all, right? I’ve thought back through my week, which is what usually gives me something to retell, but I can’t find anything that really seems to describe this Full Moon, certainly not all its facets.
I think of the key words for the two signs. These are both Fixed energies, potentially stubborn, with power and control issues a possibility. I can’t think of an obvious example, but I can think of one where I could be misinterpreted as stubborn. I’ve been aware of the potential though, so have been watching myself and thinking carefully about my reactions, and I decided I’m not being stubborn, not resistant, but sticking to my principles. I’m not digging my heels in, but have put my cards firmly on the table, and said, Right, this is my bottom line, sorry but if it doesn’t suit….Someone has been trying to play mind games with me, they think they are in control, hold the cards, and after being messed about quite a bit, I decided to take control instead. It doesn’t feel stubborn, it feels authentic, solid and assured, grounded and centred, a firm barrier to say what is, and what isn’t, acceptable to me. I have to watch that I don’t become inflexible and I have to heed my own words and not throw the baby out with the bath water. Keep your eye on the bigger picture, I keep reminding myself. Be flexible but don’t compromise on your values and core principles.
Scorpio card from Judy Hall’s The Zodiac Pack
What other key words and energies are there at play?, I ask myself, searching for examples. I know this is a deep and powerful Moon, very sensitive, power struggles, issues with the Mother or women, certainly in the birth chart. Scorpio, ruled by Pluto, the planet of transformation. Scorpio energy, especially the Moon, is powerful, potent, feels deeply with the depth of the water, that can hide deep feelings and secrets.
Power and control are Pluto themes, I guess I’ve touched on that already but none of this seems to be terribly relevant to me at the moment. This can be a very strong Full Moon, I was expecting real angst, and it’s not unknown to have an accompanying box of tissues as emotional depths surface and the Soul is scoured. When Scorpio energy is strong, I have often felt the deeply sensitive and emotional side. Crying at the drop of a hat, Intense, almost elusive outpourings of old griefs and hurts surfacing unexpectedly, sometimes almost feeling like they could overwhelm me with their depth.
Why do I feel so calm? This almost doesn’t feel like a Full Moon, it’s got nowhere near the intensity I was expecting. And, but now I think of it, I did feel things sliding a few days ago. That felt quite Neptunian to me rather than Plutonian, but I suddenly realise that my Neptune is in Scorpio! Old illusions were surfacing, layers of crap that I knew were crap, but that didn’t stop me riding with them like a surfer on a high and long white watery plume. It was an old heart connection, and it hit me unexpectedly and powerfully. The longing that it brought up wasn’t watery, it was like a fire had been lit in my heart. No wonder they use the phrase, rekindling. Wow, it was strong, and now I think about it, it did bring a few tears, lots of Soul searching and questioning too.
If you feel something so deeply, how can it be an illusion? A romantic ideal, remembering the roses around the door and the heart connection that felt so good. Why are we selective with our memories, it made me wonder? We can do something well a hundred times but remember, repeatedly, the one time that we messed up, even if it was minor. And when it would be best to remember the things that weren’t good to stop us repeating something, why would our memory then forget those and bring up all the positive bits? Or is that just the way my mind works? Goodness knows, it’s certainly a conundrum that puzzled me.
Thinking back now, it was intriguing how that energy resolved itself, rather than spiral into depths of despair, as it could have done. Normally, my response would be to try and stop myself thinking those thoughts, so I would employ all the techniques I teach my clients. You can’t just tell yourself to stop thinking about a blue elephant, you have to consciously think about something to replace that mental image, like a pink giraffe instead. Or I would remind myself of the realities behind the illusion, going through the points in my head, but they wouldn’t go, and seemed
even stronger than the last time they arose. I even used a new crystal (write up is coming from Judy soon!) which has a link with distractions and illusions, to distract myself and dissolve the thoughts. God, this is tiring, and boring too! How many layers to it are there? Many past lives, I mused, it is certainly a strong repeating pattern that I would love to break!
I’m not sure how it happened, actually I think I was indulging myself, wanting to relive and enjoy the happy moments, but instead of resisting the feelings, I dived fully into them. I imagined, remembered scenarios in my head, started replaying them, reliving them as if I was there again, and it was good. A part of me knew this was stupid and more than indulgent, it was exactly what I shouldn’t be doing, but another part, said, Why the hell not? It was good, why not enjoy the feelings again?
And then something very unexpected happened, something I had not experienced before. I was completely in the memories, reliving them, remembering the senses, the touch, the conversation, the anticipations and feelings. And because I was so in it, I got the whole memory. Not just the nice, idealistic, feel-good bit of it, but the way the scenario really unfolded; the void created by unmatched emotions and values, the feeling of being left dangling in the air, the disappointment, the frustration, the unsuccessful attempts to reach beneath the surface to the truth. And as I relived these memories, the illusions dissipated all by themselves. I remembered it all, not just one part of it. I had resisted going into the feelings, in what I thought was a very positive way, avoiding engaging with what I knew wasn’t reality, but in doing so, I had
perpetuated those feelings and shut myself off from experiencing the very feelings that brought that much needed dose of reality and put them to bed once and for all.
I cannot really explain how much clearer I felt after that, it felt like a huge, very welcome and much overdue dose of reality and release of an old pattern. I cleared my energies, did some tie-cutting, revised and ended appropriate Soul contracts, updated my Akashic records and realigned myself to my authentic and Soul energies.
Phew, that definitely felt better! Time to really, finally, move forward.
© Terrie Celest